Day 8: Sunset

Day 7: High Angle

This is a day late---busy day yesterday!!

Day 6: Books

Day 5: My Breakfast

Yogurt parfait at church/work! Yum! Excuse the ghetto phone pic-- didn't have much time!!

Day 4: Clouds

This is as cloudy as it got today in beautiful southern California. I am definitely not complaining--it's gorgeous outside!

Day 3: Hands

These are my favorite hands...constantly curious, expressive, messy and mischievous. I love when they grab my hand, or squeeze each other's chubby cheeks. I even love when they are covered in dirt, sand or yogurt. These hands hold my heart like no others do on earth. Cheesy? Maybe. But true.

Day 2: My Favorite Shoes

As you can see, these shoes are well loved. I don't even know how long I've had them, but I have only owned 2 pairs of Rainbows in my life, and my first pair was in 1998. I sadly had to retire those once a hole appeared, and then these came along. What I love about these shoes is that they can be work shoes thrown on with jeans, or beach shoes, or go to the park with my kids shoes. They can even be church shoes (hey, I live in California; you better believe these are a staple item at my church). I love how they fit the exact shape of my feet, and would wear them every day if I could. And I pretty much do!

Day 1: Self Portrait

Well, this is awkward. And for the record, this is at the end of the day, with the little make up I did wear all worn off. Um, yeah...I should have grabbed Roxy or something to make it a little less just me. But hey, that's the challenge I guess! And I just decided to play, otherwise I would have actually looked like a real person today. Ok enough excuses--there I am! Oh well!! :)

Looks Like Fun...

Ok Kristen, this looks like fun! I am in! (Hopefully for all 30 days) ;)

What's been going on through the lense of my iPhone

I've been capturing a lot of moments on my phone's camera lately, so I thought I'd share what's been going on through this lense.
Evenings and errands out...I love evenings that we go out and play at a park, wander a mall or ride a carrousel at the end of the day.





With the amazing summer like weather we've had we have lots of time in the pool!








We even got to sneak in a beach day! Such a fun day!









Tessa loves her some sand!









Tessa has been getting more stable on her feet-- not quite walking but baby steps! Literally!






But when she's not trying to walk she gets around in one of her rides.



Even if it's backwards, it works.


The zoo is one of our fav trips as a family.




My little boy is just getting bigger and bigger-- I love his silly sense of humor.


This is his latest favorite joke he came up with on his own: puts bubbles on his face and says "my Poppie!" ( which means I am Poppie-- my dad, his Poppie has a goatee)



And this week, the nasty stomach flu attacked us :( On Mother's Day of all days -- and he is just now recovering.



I am thankful for all the time we get to spend together as a family, in sickness and in health! I am looking forward to a fun summer full of more family fun!!



(ps Tessa usually hams it up for the camera, so I can't help but LOVE her look! She just looks plain ticked.)

A 1 and a 3 year old

I know everyone says time flies. As a mom, I feel like time skips. Some weeks are so long, and to be real, days can drag on. Especially those days when your 1 year old is crying at everything, because she's frustrated that you don't know what she wants or is constantly getting hurt due to her independence and insistence on trying new risky things. Or when your 3 year old hugs your 1 year old until she cries, throws tantrums every 5 minutes or screams NO and runs away from you in a public setting. Those days seem to drag on to no end. 5:00 can't come soon enough...or some weeks, the day when your husband comes home from his week long business trip can't come soon enough. But then there are other days, when I sit with my cup of coffee watching my 2 little ones play and I think--how did I get here? How do I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old? How did this happen so fast? Sometimes I feel like I skipped from having an infant and a barely 2 year old to the here and now. Though I do have faint memories of the in between, and I know I have experienced a lot during that time, I can't help but think "Where did the time go?" Caden often sits at our computer and watches the screen saver slide show that runs through a bunch of pictures from last year to now. He asks "what's that?" or names who is in the picture ("Look! Dada! Baby Tessa! Grammie! Baby Rya! YOU, mama! It's YOU!") I have found myself sitting with him and looking at these pictures too. Looking at this past year that feels a little like a blur, but holds some of the most precious of memories. Just within the last month do I feel like I am starting to get normal sleep (knock on wood), and we have some sort of normal in our house. Sickness is gone (praise God), Tessa finally sleeps through the night on a regular basis, Caden and Tessa's relationship continues to blossom into a unique bond and friendship, I experience a little more independence from my kids that allows me to actually do some things around the house when I am home with them or have some nights out for some personal refreshment.
And yet while I feel those things, I talk to moms who say that this phase of life is one of the slower paced times with kids. Before soccer practices kick in, school starts with all its commitments and time starts flying even more. So as I sit here in my jammies (yes it's 11am), while one kid naps and the other is pretending to call his daddy on his play cell phone, I am going to enjoy this day . And take one day at a time and ask God for his provision one day at a time. Because I am reminded that God gives us His manna daily. Not in a Costco size portion, but enough for today so I can go back tomorrow and ask for more. (don't get me wrong--I love Costco. I have a stash of goldfish crackers that would feed a small army). And man, do I need that provision especially on those days that seem to drag on.
I strive to be thankful for each of those days, despite the roller coaster of emotions that comes with them. I know soon enough I will be watching Caden take his senior pictures, or Tessa apply for her first job, and think "How did I get here?" So here is to time flying, in the best of ways...and realizing the importance of taking the time to be dependent each day, ask for my daily provision, and take lots of pictures along the way.

Little TK's Birthday

One year ago, about this time, Tessa Kate joined our family and I was holding my baby girl in my arms. I remember a lot of details from that day, and I wrote a lot of them down because I never want to forget that amazing day. I remember the first moment I saw her face--and how familiar she looked to me even though that was the first time I had laid eyes on her. I remember wondering if she looked like me, if she was going to sound like Caden, and praying that everything about her little body was healthy. I remember being so anxious for Caden to meet her, and wondering how I was going to be able to equally share my love between both my kids. All of those questions are answered now, and year later, as I stare at my baby girl, so many more questions flood my mind of who this little girl is going to grow up to be. Because, boy, is she growing up and growing up fast. She is still a little "pixie" (as we call her) at 18 lbs, but is 1 year going on 16. She already has an infectious giggle that brings a smile to her brothers face like no one else can. She has a dramatic flair, and has already figured out that she gets much more attention and reaction if she takes things up a notch. Our little TK looks like a tiny, harmless little thing...until she growls at you. Yes, growls. We can thank Caden for that. She can say 'mama', 'dada', 'ball', 'hi', 'bye bye' and tries to say 'where is it', 'there it is' with little inflections in her voice. Her speedy crawl gets faster each day, and while she tries to take guided steps daily, I am pretty sure she will be like her brother and stick with crawling for a while since its so much faster. She has this amazing mix of dependence and independence--she already wants to do everything herself, and yet wants you to just be in the room to watch her do it. She is cuddly, playful, spunky and already knows what she wants.
The first 6 months of Tessa's life were, to be honest, a huge challenge. She was pretty colicky and it was a really rough season. Then soon after we hit this season of sickness that we are still trying to crawl out of. So while this first year has not been by any means easy, it has been wonderful. I feel like some of those rough times are some of my most bonding moments with my little girl, and when I see her little gap toothed smile, I forget about the many drama filled, sleep less nights. Ok, so I don't forget them...but she is worth it. She still doesn't sleep through the night consistently, but that is completely consistent with our little TK. She wants us to know that she is still there, in case we forgot, and wants to have a little social time between 12 and 2 am.

I am constantly challenged as a mother, and know that God is continuing to shape and mold me as a person largely through my journey as a mother. You hear people often say it's the hardest job you will ever have--and that is the truth. But with the lowest of lows, comes the highest of highs. Often in the form of slobbery kisses, moments of watching your kids love each other, and being together as a family realizing your dreams have actually come true. This season of life has me on my knees constantly, both seeking wisdom and strength, and in gratitude for my 2 little gifts.
Tessa Kate is such a gift--a little "mini me" who has so much love and joy radiating out of her being. I can't help but be a little sad that she is no longer a baby and is quickly transitioning into toddler-hood. But am excited for another year of milestones and memories with our little TK. Happy Birthday Tessa Kate. Your mom and dad love you more than we could ever express. It is our prayer that you continue to grow up knowing you are loved by those around you, and by your Heavenly Father who created you as the beautiful, unique and precious little Tessa that you are.

January

Just a quick post of some pics! Normally January seems like a slow month to me, coming off the busyness of the holidays. But this one seems packed! Work has had lots going on, Jon's birthday, we started a Bible study through church, little bouts of sickness. This weekend I am heading up to Seattle with Bethany to visit our good friend Kristen!!! Us former roommates are reuniting for some major catching up and girl time. We try to do these trips (us up there or her down here) a couple times a year since Kris moved up north. Its amazing how when we do see each other its like no time has passed although many kids have come into the picture and life has changed dramatically since our Alpha Chi (our dorm) dance parties and spontaneous trips we used to take (SLO, Vegas, New York...good times). I am going kid-less, so am excited for a bit of relaxation...but I have to admit that I sort of miss my kids already. Caden has been extra clingy lately, insisting on "mama" to be with him or do things with him. But he loves his daddy so I am sure will adjust quickly. (Plus, I have a feeling Jon will end up spending a lot of time with his parents this weekend and the kids love Grammie and Grandpa's house--so they will be just fine! Yes, I am saying this to reassure myself.)
Ok here are those pictures I talked about!

TK is eating more foods each week...some of her new favs: rice, avocado, banana, peas (well, she likes squishing them) and yogurt.

Love this pic--we were at the zoo and us girls were hanging out while the boys were doing a maze.

At the Santa Ana Zoo (a good friend gave us free passes for Christmas--Caden LOVES animals). Here he is ready to go with his map.

Hugging the monkey statue...don't ask...guess he really likes monkeys?

These two love playing in the vanity area of the bathroom on the floor, doors closed, just the two of them. Caden doesn't want me to come in-- "me and baby Tessa play cars!!", so I usually stay right outside the door and just listen to them play. So precious. I love how they just started really playing with and entertaining each other. Its so amazing to see their relationship and bond grow!

So serious.

Be Happy that it Happened

Today is a sad day because my sister, my bro in law, nephew and niece all head back to Oklahoma after a wonderful (almost) 2 week stay. It was so fun spending Christmas together and just hanging out. Its hard when things start to feel "normal" and then you realize its not and that we all have to go back to real life soon. Mornings of sipping coffee, with the kids running around the house while the adults hung out. Days of eating way too much food, playing games and Wii until someone got mad that they couldn't win (usually Hannah or myself). ;-) I loved seeing Hannah and Kaleb play with Caden and Tessa--this was the first time both my kids are the ages where they really interact. Caden played endless hours of hide and go seek with K & H (who by the way would be my permanent babysitters if they lived close). They are SO good with the kids and they all just love each other. I had to pretty much wrestle Tessa out of my sisters arms since she was planning on taking her back with her to OK. And she would get away with it, by the way, since Tessa looks like just like her. No one would ask any questions. She's a mini Kristi. It was all so sweet and yet so heart wrenching to know its over until we see them again in July. My friend Jodi always says (since she has family far away as well) "Don't be sad its over, be happy that it happened." So trying to cling to the memories and be thankful to the time spent. And trying not to cry when Caden asks to see Hannah and Kaleb. He doesn't quite get the whole distance thing yet. To be honest, neither do I.

Kind of a Blur

Here it is, Wednesday December 8th, and the last few days have been kind of a blur. Like they never happened. But they did. Man, did they happen. Most of you who peruse this blog probably already know the story, but since I blog often for myself (and print out my blog in book form at years end) I don't want to forget all the details of this weekend so here they are.

Saturday night at about 11:30pm Tessa woke up and was struggling and gasping for breathe--she had been fighting a bug for 4 weeks (which we had been to the dr for twice) that had been diagnosed as bronchiolitis (this is different from bronchitis) that had her chest very congested. We thought she was getting better last week, but Saturday night it seemed to come back very intensely. After seeing her gasp for air repeatedly, Jon and I quickly decided to take her to the emergency room. My father in law Tom quickly came over to watch Caden and we rushed to Hoag Hospital in Irvine.
Upon arriving, the emergency room seemed to kick into high gear. When they saw we had an infant in distress, within 2 minutes we were in a room, with 8-10 people in action. (Looking back its kind of funny how a sleepy ER went from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds. So thankful! But a little funny) They probably didn't get very many babies in their ER (I could tell by the rumblings of "where is the pediatric cart?", "I need a smaller mask" etc), but they were awesome. They asked a million questions, and quickly checked her oxygen level--it should be somewhere around 93-94...hers was about 72. They got her on an oxygen mask and started an IV (all SUCH fun things for a baby) :(.
They started to do a bunch of tests and give her breathing treatments over the next few hours, and it was then determined she needed to go to CHOC. They were on the phone with CHOC a few times after getting some test results, and then we were told that Tessa was going to need to be put in the PICU when we got there (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit). CHOC then sent over an ambulance and their own "team" to pick us up from Hoag. At about 3:45am, Tessa and I rode in an ambulance over to CHOC.
Once we were in the PICU, the Dr and nurses were throwing out a lot of possibilities of what could be wrong, but were most concerned with her oxygen level and how distressed her breathing was. She was working really hard to breathe, (you could see her struggling and breathing from her stomach which was not good) and was exhausted from it. She was very lethargic and still struggling to breathe. They were pretty positive she had RSV, since bronchiolitis is very often a sign of that. They were saying we most likely would have to be in the hospital for atleast 4-5 days, and they would continue to run tests to diagnose her. RSV can also be deadly to infants, which was terrifying to hear and we were anxious to get results.
All day Sunday was spent trying to figure out what exactly she had and how to proceed. By the evening, we had found out it wasn't RSV--praise God! Later that night, it was decided she could move out of PICU since she was more stable and RSV was ruled out.
Once we got out of PICU, she did nothing but improve. I just know God was working because we went from this very scary, long term scenario, to the possibility of going home in 24 hours. When I heard there was this chance, I made it my goal to get her home. Because really, how much rest & recuperation can an infant get while sharing a room with another sick baby, and having nurses poke and inspect you every 3 hours. I was also a bit worried about her picking up more virus' just being in the hospital. So I kicked into "mama bear" gear, and found out all the things that she needed to do before they would release us. I found out that since she was now at 97-98 oxygen level (on her own, no longer hooked up to a machine) the rest of the treatments we could do at home once she got off IVs. All day Monday I spent being somewhat annoying to multiple medical staff, trying to get us released. :) Tessa also started eating well, and had improved SO much, she got off IVs.
As we all know, hospital timing is less than fast, so I worked on, well...speeding it up. But I can honestly say that outside of my "mama bear" antics, I truly believe it was the Lord answering my prayers and the prayers of so many others to allow us to go home and make sure Tessa was getting better. Monday was a long day of waiting, but at 8:30pm, we were packed up in the car, fully released and heading home with our baby girl. God is so good!
Now that we are home, we are all happier and so much more rested. But Tessa still has lots of treatments to help her completely get healthy. The official diagnosis for Tessa is that some sort of virus (they STILL don't know what, but we are thankful it isn't RSV like they thought) that caused accute bronchiolitis (which we already knew). The virus/bronchiolitis triggered a respiratory disorder they think she has-- something called Reactive Airways Disease. Basically, if she gets sick again and has the same intense symptoms and wheezing, she probably has asthma. (But they don't diagnose asthma at such a young age or until it happens a few times). Her tiny airways were so tight she barely could breathe, hence our emergency room trip that started all of this! She came home with 5 medications, including breathing treatments and an inhaler. This looks like something we will have to keep on top of from now on, especially in these sick winter months.
We are continuing to pray for her health to be fully restored as well as that this disorder will not flair up again and she will not have asthma. We are so are thankful for our loving God's protection and care, and trust He hears our prayers and will work all things together for His ultimate purpose.
One of the most amazing things to come of this whole ordeal was to see the love and support our family has through friends and family. Within minutes of people finding out, I had countless calls, emails, texts all from people who were praying and wanting to help in some way. I was overwhelmed in a GREAT way by that showing of love and support. Jon and I often tease about picking up and moving to some random state so we can afford a house with sprawling acres surrounding it and room for our kids to run around. But we never would. Why? Because of our family and friends that surround us as our community. And this was another reminder of how much more important love and friendship are than the physical space we live in.
I am continuing to unravel and process the many emotions, thoughts and things God surely is teaching me through this whole "event". I know for sure that this outpouring of love was a huge reminder to me of God's love for us, and the people He has by no mistake placed in our lives. My dad said it best in saying "The good news about bad circumstances of life is seeing God's people responding in love and prayer." So true and that is exactly what we experienced.
So now we head down a road to recovery. Our pediatrician that we went in and saw today was optimistic that she will continue to get better...its just a waiting game since its virus. We have multiple medications and breathing treatments, which is no fun with an infant (who am I kidding, with anyone its no fun) but I am thankful to be doing them at home.
I will honestly say it is a little hard to be home and kind of be in this in between limbo state of real life and sick life. (Don't get me wrong, I do NOT want to be back in the hospital! Not complaining!) We are at home, but I don't want to leave Tessa or go out and do errands etc. But man, I am SO behind on life. Work, laundry, groceries, you name it. But its all worth it. And selfishly I sort of love this time that I can just sit and love on my kids. I missed being away from Caden and I am loving the cuddles with Tessa.
Speaking of Tessa, she is telling me she is now awake from her nap, so got to run! ps--I am thankful for naps that don't involved beeping IV machines (for her) or chairs that claim to fold out and be beds (for me).
Bye for now.

Faces

I just wanted to post some recent pictures we got taken of our little family and the kids! My in laws got us all together for Christmas pictures, so I snuck in a little belated 6 month session for Tessa as well. I won't spoil my in laws Christmas card and post the all family pics, but here are some great moments that were captured of our little clan! (Ironically, I also scheduled Christmas pictures for us this weekend, so will have MORE pics for that! I am so glad we are getting all of these--the kids grow and change so fast!)

Classic "No" face

Kisses!