Little TK's Birthday

One year ago, about this time, Tessa Kate joined our family and I was holding my baby girl in my arms. I remember a lot of details from that day, and I wrote a lot of them down because I never want to forget that amazing day. I remember the first moment I saw her face--and how familiar she looked to me even though that was the first time I had laid eyes on her. I remember wondering if she looked like me, if she was going to sound like Caden, and praying that everything about her little body was healthy. I remember being so anxious for Caden to meet her, and wondering how I was going to be able to equally share my love between both my kids. All of those questions are answered now, and year later, as I stare at my baby girl, so many more questions flood my mind of who this little girl is going to grow up to be. Because, boy, is she growing up and growing up fast. She is still a little "pixie" (as we call her) at 18 lbs, but is 1 year going on 16. She already has an infectious giggle that brings a smile to her brothers face like no one else can. She has a dramatic flair, and has already figured out that she gets much more attention and reaction if she takes things up a notch. Our little TK looks like a tiny, harmless little thing...until she growls at you. Yes, growls. We can thank Caden for that. She can say 'mama', 'dada', 'ball', 'hi', 'bye bye' and tries to say 'where is it', 'there it is' with little inflections in her voice. Her speedy crawl gets faster each day, and while she tries to take guided steps daily, I am pretty sure she will be like her brother and stick with crawling for a while since its so much faster. She has this amazing mix of dependence and independence--she already wants to do everything herself, and yet wants you to just be in the room to watch her do it. She is cuddly, playful, spunky and already knows what she wants.
The first 6 months of Tessa's life were, to be honest, a huge challenge. She was pretty colicky and it was a really rough season. Then soon after we hit this season of sickness that we are still trying to crawl out of. So while this first year has not been by any means easy, it has been wonderful. I feel like some of those rough times are some of my most bonding moments with my little girl, and when I see her little gap toothed smile, I forget about the many drama filled, sleep less nights. Ok, so I don't forget them...but she is worth it. She still doesn't sleep through the night consistently, but that is completely consistent with our little TK. She wants us to know that she is still there, in case we forgot, and wants to have a little social time between 12 and 2 am.

I am constantly challenged as a mother, and know that God is continuing to shape and mold me as a person largely through my journey as a mother. You hear people often say it's the hardest job you will ever have--and that is the truth. But with the lowest of lows, comes the highest of highs. Often in the form of slobbery kisses, moments of watching your kids love each other, and being together as a family realizing your dreams have actually come true. This season of life has me on my knees constantly, both seeking wisdom and strength, and in gratitude for my 2 little gifts.
Tessa Kate is such a gift--a little "mini me" who has so much love and joy radiating out of her being. I can't help but be a little sad that she is no longer a baby and is quickly transitioning into toddler-hood. But am excited for another year of milestones and memories with our little TK. Happy Birthday Tessa Kate. Your mom and dad love you more than we could ever express. It is our prayer that you continue to grow up knowing you are loved by those around you, and by your Heavenly Father who created you as the beautiful, unique and precious little Tessa that you are.

January

Just a quick post of some pics! Normally January seems like a slow month to me, coming off the busyness of the holidays. But this one seems packed! Work has had lots going on, Jon's birthday, we started a Bible study through church, little bouts of sickness. This weekend I am heading up to Seattle with Bethany to visit our good friend Kristen!!! Us former roommates are reuniting for some major catching up and girl time. We try to do these trips (us up there or her down here) a couple times a year since Kris moved up north. Its amazing how when we do see each other its like no time has passed although many kids have come into the picture and life has changed dramatically since our Alpha Chi (our dorm) dance parties and spontaneous trips we used to take (SLO, Vegas, New York...good times). I am going kid-less, so am excited for a bit of relaxation...but I have to admit that I sort of miss my kids already. Caden has been extra clingy lately, insisting on "mama" to be with him or do things with him. But he loves his daddy so I am sure will adjust quickly. (Plus, I have a feeling Jon will end up spending a lot of time with his parents this weekend and the kids love Grammie and Grandpa's house--so they will be just fine! Yes, I am saying this to reassure myself.)
Ok here are those pictures I talked about!

TK is eating more foods each week...some of her new favs: rice, avocado, banana, peas (well, she likes squishing them) and yogurt.

Love this pic--we were at the zoo and us girls were hanging out while the boys were doing a maze.

At the Santa Ana Zoo (a good friend gave us free passes for Christmas--Caden LOVES animals). Here he is ready to go with his map.

Hugging the monkey statue...don't ask...guess he really likes monkeys?

These two love playing in the vanity area of the bathroom on the floor, doors closed, just the two of them. Caden doesn't want me to come in-- "me and baby Tessa play cars!!", so I usually stay right outside the door and just listen to them play. So precious. I love how they just started really playing with and entertaining each other. Its so amazing to see their relationship and bond grow!

So serious.

Be Happy that it Happened

Today is a sad day because my sister, my bro in law, nephew and niece all head back to Oklahoma after a wonderful (almost) 2 week stay. It was so fun spending Christmas together and just hanging out. Its hard when things start to feel "normal" and then you realize its not and that we all have to go back to real life soon. Mornings of sipping coffee, with the kids running around the house while the adults hung out. Days of eating way too much food, playing games and Wii until someone got mad that they couldn't win (usually Hannah or myself). ;-) I loved seeing Hannah and Kaleb play with Caden and Tessa--this was the first time both my kids are the ages where they really interact. Caden played endless hours of hide and go seek with K & H (who by the way would be my permanent babysitters if they lived close). They are SO good with the kids and they all just love each other. I had to pretty much wrestle Tessa out of my sisters arms since she was planning on taking her back with her to OK. And she would get away with it, by the way, since Tessa looks like just like her. No one would ask any questions. She's a mini Kristi. It was all so sweet and yet so heart wrenching to know its over until we see them again in July. My friend Jodi always says (since she has family far away as well) "Don't be sad its over, be happy that it happened." So trying to cling to the memories and be thankful to the time spent. And trying not to cry when Caden asks to see Hannah and Kaleb. He doesn't quite get the whole distance thing yet. To be honest, neither do I.

Kind of a Blur

Here it is, Wednesday December 8th, and the last few days have been kind of a blur. Like they never happened. But they did. Man, did they happen. Most of you who peruse this blog probably already know the story, but since I blog often for myself (and print out my blog in book form at years end) I don't want to forget all the details of this weekend so here they are.

Saturday night at about 11:30pm Tessa woke up and was struggling and gasping for breathe--she had been fighting a bug for 4 weeks (which we had been to the dr for twice) that had been diagnosed as bronchiolitis (this is different from bronchitis) that had her chest very congested. We thought she was getting better last week, but Saturday night it seemed to come back very intensely. After seeing her gasp for air repeatedly, Jon and I quickly decided to take her to the emergency room. My father in law Tom quickly came over to watch Caden and we rushed to Hoag Hospital in Irvine.
Upon arriving, the emergency room seemed to kick into high gear. When they saw we had an infant in distress, within 2 minutes we were in a room, with 8-10 people in action. (Looking back its kind of funny how a sleepy ER went from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds. So thankful! But a little funny) They probably didn't get very many babies in their ER (I could tell by the rumblings of "where is the pediatric cart?", "I need a smaller mask" etc), but they were awesome. They asked a million questions, and quickly checked her oxygen level--it should be somewhere around 93-94...hers was about 72. They got her on an oxygen mask and started an IV (all SUCH fun things for a baby) :(.
They started to do a bunch of tests and give her breathing treatments over the next few hours, and it was then determined she needed to go to CHOC. They were on the phone with CHOC a few times after getting some test results, and then we were told that Tessa was going to need to be put in the PICU when we got there (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit). CHOC then sent over an ambulance and their own "team" to pick us up from Hoag. At about 3:45am, Tessa and I rode in an ambulance over to CHOC.
Once we were in the PICU, the Dr and nurses were throwing out a lot of possibilities of what could be wrong, but were most concerned with her oxygen level and how distressed her breathing was. She was working really hard to breathe, (you could see her struggling and breathing from her stomach which was not good) and was exhausted from it. She was very lethargic and still struggling to breathe. They were pretty positive she had RSV, since bronchiolitis is very often a sign of that. They were saying we most likely would have to be in the hospital for atleast 4-5 days, and they would continue to run tests to diagnose her. RSV can also be deadly to infants, which was terrifying to hear and we were anxious to get results.
All day Sunday was spent trying to figure out what exactly she had and how to proceed. By the evening, we had found out it wasn't RSV--praise God! Later that night, it was decided she could move out of PICU since she was more stable and RSV was ruled out.
Once we got out of PICU, she did nothing but improve. I just know God was working because we went from this very scary, long term scenario, to the possibility of going home in 24 hours. When I heard there was this chance, I made it my goal to get her home. Because really, how much rest & recuperation can an infant get while sharing a room with another sick baby, and having nurses poke and inspect you every 3 hours. I was also a bit worried about her picking up more virus' just being in the hospital. So I kicked into "mama bear" gear, and found out all the things that she needed to do before they would release us. I found out that since she was now at 97-98 oxygen level (on her own, no longer hooked up to a machine) the rest of the treatments we could do at home once she got off IVs. All day Monday I spent being somewhat annoying to multiple medical staff, trying to get us released. :) Tessa also started eating well, and had improved SO much, she got off IVs.
As we all know, hospital timing is less than fast, so I worked on, well...speeding it up. But I can honestly say that outside of my "mama bear" antics, I truly believe it was the Lord answering my prayers and the prayers of so many others to allow us to go home and make sure Tessa was getting better. Monday was a long day of waiting, but at 8:30pm, we were packed up in the car, fully released and heading home with our baby girl. God is so good!
Now that we are home, we are all happier and so much more rested. But Tessa still has lots of treatments to help her completely get healthy. The official diagnosis for Tessa is that some sort of virus (they STILL don't know what, but we are thankful it isn't RSV like they thought) that caused accute bronchiolitis (which we already knew). The virus/bronchiolitis triggered a respiratory disorder they think she has-- something called Reactive Airways Disease. Basically, if she gets sick again and has the same intense symptoms and wheezing, she probably has asthma. (But they don't diagnose asthma at such a young age or until it happens a few times). Her tiny airways were so tight she barely could breathe, hence our emergency room trip that started all of this! She came home with 5 medications, including breathing treatments and an inhaler. This looks like something we will have to keep on top of from now on, especially in these sick winter months.
We are continuing to pray for her health to be fully restored as well as that this disorder will not flair up again and she will not have asthma. We are so are thankful for our loving God's protection and care, and trust He hears our prayers and will work all things together for His ultimate purpose.
One of the most amazing things to come of this whole ordeal was to see the love and support our family has through friends and family. Within minutes of people finding out, I had countless calls, emails, texts all from people who were praying and wanting to help in some way. I was overwhelmed in a GREAT way by that showing of love and support. Jon and I often tease about picking up and moving to some random state so we can afford a house with sprawling acres surrounding it and room for our kids to run around. But we never would. Why? Because of our family and friends that surround us as our community. And this was another reminder of how much more important love and friendship are than the physical space we live in.
I am continuing to unravel and process the many emotions, thoughts and things God surely is teaching me through this whole "event". I know for sure that this outpouring of love was a huge reminder to me of God's love for us, and the people He has by no mistake placed in our lives. My dad said it best in saying "The good news about bad circumstances of life is seeing God's people responding in love and prayer." So true and that is exactly what we experienced.
So now we head down a road to recovery. Our pediatrician that we went in and saw today was optimistic that she will continue to get better...its just a waiting game since its virus. We have multiple medications and breathing treatments, which is no fun with an infant (who am I kidding, with anyone its no fun) but I am thankful to be doing them at home.
I will honestly say it is a little hard to be home and kind of be in this in between limbo state of real life and sick life. (Don't get me wrong, I do NOT want to be back in the hospital! Not complaining!) We are at home, but I don't want to leave Tessa or go out and do errands etc. But man, I am SO behind on life. Work, laundry, groceries, you name it. But its all worth it. And selfishly I sort of love this time that I can just sit and love on my kids. I missed being away from Caden and I am loving the cuddles with Tessa.
Speaking of Tessa, she is telling me she is now awake from her nap, so got to run! ps--I am thankful for naps that don't involved beeping IV machines (for her) or chairs that claim to fold out and be beds (for me).
Bye for now.

Faces

I just wanted to post some recent pictures we got taken of our little family and the kids! My in laws got us all together for Christmas pictures, so I snuck in a little belated 6 month session for Tessa as well. I won't spoil my in laws Christmas card and post the all family pics, but here are some great moments that were captured of our little clan! (Ironically, I also scheduled Christmas pictures for us this weekend, so will have MORE pics for that! I am so glad we are getting all of these--the kids grow and change so fast!)

Classic "No" face

Kisses!

Pain in the Bite

Its been over a month since I got my wisdom teeth out, and I can honestly say this is the first week that my mouth feels completely better. (not even really normal, but no pain). Right at the end of August, I decided to quickly get my wisdom teeth out (after years of being told to) since my insurance changed Sept 1st, and under my old insurance, I could get the surgery done for free. Not even a co pay. (Now THAT is good insurance). So in less than a week's time, I made arrangements to make it happen. Now before going into surgery, I heard a lot of people's experiences--good and bad. Some people were eating steak 2 days later, and others didn't quite feel back to normal for a couple weeks. Well, let's just say that after my experience, I probably won't be sharing my story with people. Because if they heard it, they would probably let their wisdom teeth take up permanent residence in their mouth. Mine was not a normal experience. And after the weeks of a puffy cheek (yep, just one side--which, in my opinion, is even more awkward), endless pain, no real food, gross sockets, popping Vicodin and Tylenol like candy, smoothies and ice cream (which I could honestly do without for a while), I finally feel better. I can finally take a bite into a sandwich and chew. What's funny is that I still can't have a full, extended bite--yes, this sounds weird. After not using muscles for a while and the fact that my jaw was even considered "sprained" (what the heck, right?!), its still hard to fit a normal bite in my mouth.( I am thinking about taking up jaw yoga to help this). BUT after not being able to bite at all for weeks, any bite is good for me.
So after this fun little adventure, I couldn't help but think, Wow, that was annoying. And wonder (as I do often when things happen in life) why did I go through that? While I realize it wasn't a life changing event, or for that matter, anything huge in the scope of things, it did affect my everyday life for over a month. It changed work, being a mom, being a wife, my comfort, my attitude... therefore, I can't help but wonder why God allowed it to happen. So in pondering this, here is my little list of learnings from all of this (some deep, some practical, and some not either of those things).

• Don't take my health for granted--its amazing when you are in extreme pain how much it affects your life. And how you just want that pain free state back. While my pain was minor in what so many people deal with, it makes me grateful for each day I wake up pain free and can function normally.
• My comfort greatly affects my attitude. I found myself snappy and impatient and realized it was because I was uncomfortable. I had to keep having an attitude check and remind myself this was no ones fault. Not Jon's, not the Drs (ok maybe a little bit of hers), and certainly not Caden or Tessa's. It just was what is was and it sucked. And my attitude could either worsen things, or make it tolerable. One of my supervisors at work reminded me the other week that God often takes us through the same test over and over in order to shape us and teach us--over and over, especially if we don't get what God is trying to teach us. Well, this was another pop quiz. And I failed. So a month later, I realized that I don't want to keep taking this test over and over...I want to look at the bigger picture of things and realize that I am called to be joyful in all things, and again, is this really that bad? No. Could it be worse? Certainly. But more importantly, no matter what physical state I am in, what financial situation we are in, what house we are living in, what comforts I do or don't have, I am called to be thankful and joyful. This learning applies to so much more than my physical comfort...but my emotional comfort, my spiritual comfort, what I think I "deserve" to be comfortable...so I am choosing to strive for change and joy. I realize the quizzes might not be over, but I pray that my heart is changed so with each situation that I encounter, my attitude reflects that change.
  
• Don't open your 2 year olds fruit snacks with your teeth. Just a good rule for life.
• I have an amazing husband. He takes care of me. He takes care of the kids. I often focus on the things he doesn't do, and forget about the many things he does do. And does so well. And appreciates what I do without making me feel bad if I don't do them. He never asks me (or complains about) to clean the house, to do laundry, to make meals...but is grateful when I do them.
  
• I have amazing friends and family. I have so many family members and friends that jumped in to help me with life during all of this. My mom who left her first week back at work to take care of the kids so I could rest. My friends who took Caden for me so I wouldn't have to chase a 2 year old in my extreme pain. All that asked how I was and was concerned for all my "mouth drama". In the scheme of life, it wasn't that big of a deal. But it was hard. And painful. And annoying. And those around me showed genuine concern. I love community like that.
• Don't put your daughters pacifier in your mouth (the ring, plastic part) and bite down on it to hold it because both your hands are occupied. Carry your daughter, then go back and get it. Trying to carry it in your mouth and biting down (bite being the operative term) probably isn't a good idea when you haven't bit on anything for almost 3 weeks. Apparently jaws can be sprained. And it hurts. A lot.
  
• It really nice when dr's offices come to know you by first name and have gotten to know a lot about you. Its not nice when its because you have to go there every day for 2 weeks to get a piece of gauze stuffed in the back of your mouth that tastes like clove--a mix of ginger and medicine tasting flavor. I hate ginger flavor by the way. While it helps a lot of people with nausea, it makes me want to barf. Gagging daily due to the flavor and huge hands in your mouth really bonds you to a group of people. But I can honestly say I don't miss Dr Jui, Rob or Julian. And I think they are doing just fine without me.
  

So that's been my month or so...and I am happy to be moving on and functioning normally, rarely thinking twice about all that happened. And I am thankful that its over and all that I can appreciate more because of it. And even more thankful God only gave us one set of wisdom teeth. Because I will NEVER have to do that again.

Thirty, Thrifty, and Thriving

What a busy month this has been, and its still winding down! The big event of September is (as it is every year) my birthday! It was a milestone birthday though, since I turned 30. Honestly, I don't feel any differently, but it was fun to finally hit the big 3-0 and have an excuse to celebrate a little more. Jon took me out to an amazing birthday dinner at Mastro's Steakhouse---sooooo good. Steak, Prime Rib, Mashed Potatoes, Mac & Cheese, Salad, Wine....We ate until we couldn't eat any more...and then they brought me this...

So then we ate more. :) Could you resist this? Me neither. (And it came with a bowl of fresh whipped cream that I pretty much could have eaten by itself. De-lici-ous. That same weekend we threw a little party for friends and family at my in laws house. We had a taco catering company come, who cooked fresh tacos for everyone, and had a little margarita machine. It was yummy and a fun time to have everyone together. I didn't get any pictures since we were busy trying to hang with everyone and the kids too! But it was a fun night, topped off by my parents taking our kids for the night. Jon and I enjoyed a restful night that night, then went out to brunch the next morning at Marmalade Cafe. (I took the morning off work--I LOVE weekends off!)
In other, not so fun events, this month has also been the month of home repair. A few thousand dollars to repair the air conditioning, dryer and ice machine broken (repairs and/or replacement happening today so we will see how that goes)...home ownership has its downsides. As a result, I am now challenged to have to be even more thrifty to "make up" for these home repairs. Always a challenge when things that I tend to spend more money on are often out of convenience or for the kids. With a pretty much full time job and 2 kids, I seem to buy things when I can and out of need, as opposed to having the time to shop around etc. So I am trying to focus on really what we need, and not what I want. Always a struggle in the bigger and better culture we live in. For instance, we have been talking for a long time about wanting a new coffee table before Tessa starts walking. The one we have has some hard edges and corners that weren't (and still aren't) so kind to Caden. So we plan on getting an ottoman that is soft and can function as both. I was really thinking if we need a coffee table at all or not...and truly, we do since we have no dining room table due to our lack of space in our house, and this piece functions as our "dining room" in our house. So I've been looking around at ottomans...and of course, the ones I love are the Ballard Designs, Ashley Furniture type ones. But I think we are going to go for a good old Walmart one instead. What's the difference? Well, probably quality--but mostly price. And that's ok. Cuz honestly, this new piece of furniture will probably end up with drool, crayons and Thomas the Train indentations in it anyways. And at the rate my kids take down food and diapers these days, its the best choice for us financially.
Finally, here are some pictures of the kids as they grow bigger every day. Tessa had her 6 month appointment and is 15 pounds, 6 oz. and 27 1/4 inches (92% in height)! Caden is getting more and more intrested in potty training but isn't quite there yet. Well, to be quite honest, he very much rebels at the thought of sitting still on the toilet, BUT he wants his diaper changed when its dirty and can talk about when he has to go some of the time. Its still not quite time, but baby steps...in the mean time, his vocab has expanded like crazy! He repeats everything we say (makes us watch our words even more!) and loves calling me "Mom! Mom! Mom!" (yes that many times or more) or "Jen!". Yep, I am working on that last one. They both head back to Mops childcare once a week (while I work) next week, which I think will be great for both of them. Caden LOVES church and class, so he's good to go. Tessa is finally at a better place where not only is she just more into a routine, even keeled and fun, but she feels more independent in playing in an exersaucer or on the ground with toys. A far cry (no pun intended) from my little girl from 0-3 months. So it will be good for both of us to have her more consistently in a class. She hasn't gone to church as much as Caden did by this age but when she has gone lately has done very well.
That's all for now--I leave you with some latest pics of the kiddos!

Caden playing Uncle Chewie's guitar (he says "my play! my sing!")

Going swimming for the first time! (Daddy wasn't a fan of the 2 piece, but I think its adorable!)

Our Growing Girl

Just a few pictures of our growing 5 1/2 month old! Her current claim to fames are:

• Rolling over all by herself....and then getting mad that she is on her stomach. Can she roll back to her back by herself? Yes. But she forgets.
• Smiling and giggling--even if you glance her, she is begging for some eye contact so she can say hi with a sweet smile!
  
• Watching--she stays happiest when Caden is running around like the crazy 2 year old he is and she can just watch the chaos!
  
• Eating cereal! She just did this for the first time yesterday, and so far she loves it! She still has a little bit of that tongue reflex when she wants to push the food out, but she was all about it and enjoying the taste (surprisingly). She was following the spoon with her head all over the place!
• Hanging in her exersaucer--I bought one off of Craigslist for $20 to keep on the patio when Caden and I play out there, and she loves it!
  
• Grabbing--she grabs anything and everything near by. The best is when Caden sets down a toy next to her and next thing you know shes got it! When he notices it, he usually tries to take it back ("baby--no! Mine!" No and Mine are Cadens top 2 words these days). Its been some good teaching moments for Caden on the importance of sharing. It usually ends up with Caden bringing another toy to her (that he doesn't want) and "trades" it for the one she's grabbed. Oh yeah--and I love that she will grab your face if its close enough. And sometimes pull ya in for a kiss (i.e. slobber on your face).

She started on the other side of her play mat, and then I found her here, little rolley polley!

Getting ready for a taste of her first cereal!!

Yummers!!

Vegas!

Jon and I were able to take a little vacation to Vegas for 3 days, 2 nights this past week. Jon's parents watched the kids one day, and my parents for overnights and the other 2 days, so we could celebrate our 5th anniversary. And it was so much fun! It was the perfect amount of time--we felt like we got to see and do a lot, but then were ready to come home and see our kids by the end of it. We ate LOTS of yummy food, walked around, went shopping, gambled on penny slots (Jon won $300 one night on one big win!)...it was great. It was nice to be just the two of us, especially since the weeks preceding the trip I was crazy busy at work, and gone most evenings working and rehearsing. (If you want to see why I was rehearsing, click HERE and fast forward to about 32 minutes in. Its about a 15 minute skit if you have the time or interest to watch!) I kept calling Jon and I "passing ships in the night" those weeks, because we literally would just say hi and bye to each other, or talk "kid"details, or talk work...but after this trip I feel like we got caught up with each other, laughed a lot and even had some good old karaoke time on the road trips...doesn't get much better that that. So now we are back to reality--we missed our kids like crazy, and they look like they grew a ton in just a couple days (Tessa especially). :) We are so blessed to have family close by who loves and knows our kids so well, and offers to take them so Jon and I can have alone time. The kids did GREAT with both grandparents (and with Tessa, this is a huge relief) and, what is even more of a blessing, is even if Tessa had a tough time--I am pretty sure my mom wouldn't let me know. :) But I am pretty sure Grammie is Tessa's fav--TK smiles and knows Grammie's voice as well and Jon and I. Such a blessing.
Here are some snap shots of our few days away!

Our suite at the Palazzo (newer hotel connected to the Venetian--so nice!)

Entertaining ourselves while we listened to some lame music at a lounge...we had fun the first night at a dueling piano bar, but night 2 was more of us laughing at how terrible the music was. But we had fun anyways!

Family Pictures

One of the highlights of my sister and her family visiting California this summer was all of us taking family pictures together. We haven't done that since Jon and I's wedding, so 5 years later--here they are! With kids and all! Here are some of my favs! (More details and pics of our time with the Bowers to come!)